i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
