I'm lost and stupid without you.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
