Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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