I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
