I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
