gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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