My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
