i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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