That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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