I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
