I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
