census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
