he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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