I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Congratulations! We have a period
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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