just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
