Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
