so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
