tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
