I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
