I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
