Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
