We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
no you cant smoke seaweed
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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