I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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