Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
