My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
