The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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