Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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