Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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