What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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