every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
