spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just puked most of my soul out..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
