My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
