Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
