in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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