my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
