One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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