Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This house was built for laser tag.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
