My hand turned me down
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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