After last night, I could never be a politician.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
