i think my tv is drunk
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
