I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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