The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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