I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
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I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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