Cold hands, warm shart.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
