So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
