3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
