This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
