I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
