I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
