I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
