once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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