Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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