That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
