it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
