I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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