Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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