the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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