So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
