Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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