As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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