and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
