Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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