Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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