Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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