i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
and i looked up. we had an audience...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
