Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
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Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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